


I Just Wanna Be (fucking) Happy

by Withstarryeyes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Character Death Fix, F/M, Hurt Steve Rogers, Kinda canon compliant, M/M, Partly Into Endgame, Past Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Steve Rogers Feels, Temporary Character Death, steve thinks Tony is dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 14:38:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17664548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Withstarryeyes/pseuds/Withstarryeyes
Summary: Summary: Sometimes death is not the worst outcome to face. Sometimes it’s seeing them again after you’ve hurt them, and having them find closure in pushing you away.or… Tony saves himself and comes back to Earth and Steve finds out that Civil War isn’t a thing in the past.Title from Julia Michael’s HappyTony’s family from @ironmess  ‘ headcanons (aka Morgan is real)





	I Just Wanna Be (fucking) Happy

The earth is wet when Steve walks across it, air cool on his cheeks. There’s lightning in the air, somewhere. He wonders where Thor is, if it’s his own grief or if Steve is just projecting. The trees are creaking, leaning, and Steve knows he shouldn’t be out in this weather. But how could he not? How could he ever believe he wouldn’t come here? 

The plot is not grand, Pepper didn’t want it to become a tourist spot. The thought of all those cameras, glorifying him in a way he didn’t want to be, it made her sick. Even past the morning sickness, even past the depression. He sinks to his knees and it, letting the rainwater soak into his jeans. His hands are trembling, cold and wet and tragic. He can feel the rain on his cheeks, or maybe tears. At this point, it’s all the same. 

He can’t believe he never got another chance, some time to say sorry or forgive me, or watch from afar. It’s what he deserved, honestly, after everything he put him through. He knew how it would go down. He can’t even look at the shield at this point without hearing the whizz crackle dim-down of the arc reactor and the wid, genuine arc of fear and pain and betrayal zapping across Tony’s face like Steve had slapped him upside the head with it. 

Pepper should be here too, but she’s got a kid now, and Steve can’t blame her. She can only handle so much, raising her kid and grieving over her almost-husband, the relationship they’d fought for so long and it never got to end in gratification. 

Steve thinks about when Tony and he were a couple, between Pepper and Bucky and everything. He was happy then. He doesn’t remember what happy feels like anymore, but he knew he felt it then. 

The gravestone is glistening in the gloom, straight marble, clean and simple. It has Tony’s full name on it, the last name glossed over with his mother’s maiden name. He would’ve wanted it like that. Howard’s legacy chased him through life, he didn’t deserve it in death too. It’s Valentine’s Day and Steve feels like it shouldn’t exist anymore. 

Not after the snap. Not after so many people lost every shred of themselves they had rooted in another. He places the roses on the lump that holds Tony’s empty casket and lets his forehead droop onto the stone, breathing in metallic, earthy cologne. Letting it out in a choked out sob. 

“I’m so sorry Tony. I should’ve listened to you. I… we… I never treated you like you deserved. “

“No shit,” the voice behind him is shocking, deep and rough and flinchingly drenched in sorrow. Steve looks up, pressing his wrists to his eyes, swiping away the tears. 

Tony’s there, tall and greased up, thin. He looks too thin, deathly thin. Steve feels the sobs increase in frequency because of course, of fucking course Tony’s alive. How could Steve even let himself think that Thanos would’ve gotten him. 

“I mean it,” Steve says and it’s warbled by the aching, pooling pit in the bottom of his stomach. He tries to stand and his knees clack against themselves, he scrapes himself across the distance and collapses into Tony. Tony buries his nose in Steve’s hair, breathing in. 

“You know I can’t forgive you,” Tony says, somber. 

“I know,” Steve says and he means it. He knows, god how he knows. He also knows Tony will, too soon, sooner than he should. Steve trembles and Tony clutches him closer, shushing him. 

“Pepper!” Steve cries and straightens up, trying to pull away. 

“Is safe and has seen me. You’re my last stop, Rogers.”

“So you’ve met her?”

“Morgan? Yeah, she’s perfect. Just like her father.”

Steve lets out a laugh he didn’t even know he had in him. It sounds strange, it’s been so long since he’s expressed the joy of any kind. He lifts his chin and catches Tony by the eyes. They’re the same color as always, dark amber and flecked with gold, lined by thick, midnight lashes. Steve can’t help himself, and he pushed forward just a little distance there is to press his lips greedily against Tony. 

He tastes like motor oil and coffee, he tastes like home, like Brooklyn and Peggy and every ounce of joy Steve lost when the snap happened. When he pulls back Tony reels him back in, and Steve slumps back over into his arms, tears leaking out. He’s so emotional as of late. 

“You have a kid, and Pepper,” Steve breaks finally, peacefully, guiltily. 

“She knows. She told me to come here, get closure. Say goodbye.”

“Goodbye?” Steve asks, feeling suddenly so small and alone again. 

“We’re moving, somewhere in the country. Get a deal like Clint. We don’t want Morgan to suffer through the same old shit we had to.”

“Moving,” he feels drunk, knocked out by the wind and dangling by a thread of lost inhibitions. “This really is goodbye.”

Tony nods, “you’ve got Bucky back, and I’ve got Pepper. But… I had to see you again before I left. Had to let you know I was safe.”

Safe is a word Steve doesn’t think he knows the definition to anymore, especially not after Tony plants one last kiss on him and exits to his car, leaving Steve quivering in the rain, drenched to the bone in front of Tony’s false gravestone. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Yo, I know this is kinda different for me but if you liked it please leave a kudos or a comment. Feedback really means a lot to me, especially since I now have less time to write cause of school. Sorry for the slow updates but thanks to everyone that's stuck with me.


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